A New Pet

After hamster and fish, you now have a more ‘serious’ pet, a kitten! We found her yesterday morning, just sitting miserably alone, cuddling herself, at our doorsteps. It’s just like somebody dropped her to our home. She has white fur, with three colors tails. And I thought, well, this is it. You were asking for a pet, so this might work for you.

So we brought her in. First, we gave her milk –which she refused – and then we feed her with smoke beef rice, which she loved. After that, we discussed about the most important thing when we have a new pet, what we are going to name her!

First, I suggested Kitty, then you changed it to Katty, then we tried Speedy (sounds like that internet provider, no?) And then, this morning, it seemed that you would settle for Chico. Hmm, let’s see how long you will stick to that name.

I think having pet is great for kids like you. In fact, not just for kids, grown ups too. Yesterday, when you were away for your English class, I found myself talking to the kitten, gosh, can’t remember the last time I talked to a pet. The good thing about talking to a pet is that they listen. They don’t try to give solutions or arguments. They just listen, which sometimes is just what you need when there’s so much on your head.

I hope Chico will stay with us for long and that we can grow her to a healthy cat. With Chico around, I believe you can learn to take more responsibility and of course, enjoy her company when I cannot be there with you.
.
.

Oreo Milkshakesaurus

Last Sunday afternoon, we both were in the bedroom, not really knowing how to spend the day. It was a hot, quiet afternoon. Then suddenly, you showed me a recipe from your Dino Club cooking class, back in 2006. It’s the Milks Shakesaurus recipe.

So we happily went down to the pantry, and I pulled out an unopened box of Kenwood Wizard hand blender that I bought, probably three years ago (yes, three years ago, not three months…..). I was waiting for the right moment to use that cute little hand blender, and I guess that afternoon was just the right time to use it for the first time.

Fortunately, I have all the ingredients required for that recipe. First, we mixed the ultra milk with chocolate syrup and vanilla ice cream. Then we added some ice cubes, poured it into a plastic glass, and finally, put on the smashed oreo on top of it. Wow, it was so yummy and perfect for a hot afternoon. We enjoyed it while talking and playing catch by the fishpond.

I’m glad that you enjoy doing cooking stuff as much as you enjoy soccer. I’m a true believer that cooking is not just for girls. In fact, I admire guys that are good with pans and ladle. I also believe that guys who cook must have a good self-confidence. It’s also a sign that they can be a rounded person.

I really hope you will become my kind of guy, honey…. I believe you will.

Picture from here
.
.

Your fish died

Or rather, your fishes.

Just like what I always wanted, we have a small fishpond at the back of our new house. In the morning, after you and your dad left the house, I turn on the waterfall, read the newspaper while sipping my coffee and occasionally, glancing at the fishes that dance around in a group It is so refreshing, a good way to start the day.

But yesterday, we found one of the fishes you bought last week, died. It’s the Blitar Koi, that was said to be the toughest among the Koi family. It laid still at the edge of the little pond. Apparently, it jumped out of the water and fell into the hard surface. It happened several times before, but usually somebody noticed it.

I was afraid that you would be upset.

You: So what do we do with it?
Me: We’ll burry it
You: I don’t want to do it
Me: It’s okay, mbak will burry it
You: Where?
Me: Somewhere in the back yard
You: I’d just like to see it
Me: Okay

You touched the dead fish, and walked away.

This morning, we found two of the smaller fishes died. And it just died in the pond. It didn’t jump out of the pond. But it died anyway…… (sigh……)
.
.

Moving House

Finally, after 7 months of construction, our new house is ready for us to move in.

Though very excited about it, I think we are going to miss the house where we live now, the place where you grew from a healthy toddler to a smart, sporty kid. The place where you learned to take you own bath, ride a bicycle and tie your shoe lashes.

My favorite part of our current house is, naturally, the bedroom, where we shared hours and hours of laughter and silly talk. We play card, work on a puzzle and share the best laughter by just playing ‘throw and catch’.

I let you do whatever you’d like to do in there, cause I believe, you have to let out all the creativity inside of you and being cheered for it (though it made the room totally messy!). I let you pin your drawings and artworks on the wall and put ‘some’ of your toys and stuff that take up almost half of the room.

The room is like a little sanctuary for us. You make your ‘inventions’ while I browse the net, you do your homework while I read. And when you have a busy day, we spend the evening quietly watching your favorite TV series, while I hug you to your sleep (or sometimes you hug me to my sleep).

Well, not all are happy memories in there. There were also times when you were teary because I made you take a bath or have that last spoon of your dinner. Gosh, I’m so sorry for making such a fuss over such an unimportant thing.

Thank you, God, for our new house, our new home, where you are going to grow to be a cool, witty teenager, before turning into a wise, handsome young man.

Hector

The day out for your birthday was not only for you and for me. We invited Hector, your best buddy from school, to join us. We had lunch and spent the whole afternoon at Timezone, before looking for your birthday present.

You knew Hector since you entered pre-school. I was worried on how you would adapt to your new environment. But you two seemed to connect right away. In class, you and Hector always wanted to sit side-by-side, chatting and giggling throughout the lesson, up to a point that Ibu Nur, your class teacher back then, forbid you to sit together. Oh well, but you still have your break time to catch up…..

On the second year of your pre-school, your teacher purposely put you in different class, But then, I noticed that you still play and chat with him during breaktime. It went on during your first year in preliminary school. Only on your second grade, you and Hector were reunited in the same class, the 2B. Naturally, the same thing happened, talking and laughing during class. Your teacher, Pak Asep, expressed his amazement on how the two of you were so connected. And when Hector forget to bring his assignments, you gladly help him out. In fact, this last couple of months, you pick him up every morning and check with each other about school assignments before arriving at school.

I’m glad that you have found a good buddy. As they say, a good friend is hard to find. But once you’ve found them, he or she will become a very important part of your life. A good friend will tell you things that you should listen to but do not want to believe. A good friend will know just what to do when you are down and troubled, He will stay by your side to see that you pull it through. A good friend will not only share your joy, but also your confusion, doubts and sorrow.

Hector seemed to be a fun, cool little guy. I’m happy that you two are good friends.

Your 8th Birthday

It’s the evening before your birthday, I was still in my office, chatting with my good friend:

Me: BTW, I’m taking a day-off tomorrow, my kid’s birthday
Her: Ooooh, happy birthday......
Me: Yeah...., I’m enjoying motherhood
Her: How old is he?
Me: He’s going to be 8
Her: Wow, 8. Time flies.....
Me: Yups, but this year, I’m not as confused as last year, as to whether we need to have a birthday celebration at school
Her: But you are going to have a birthday party at home?
Me: At home, yes, but we’ll wait until we move to our new house by end of the month
Her: Oh. And he’s okay with that? Good boy...
Me: I’ll just do a mom and son day out tomorrow
Me: He’s okay, but that’s after I told him that I’m going to buy him the DS….
Her: Day out to?
Me: Day out to buy a birthday present and a new pair of shoes
Her: Ha ha. Exactly like my nieces, when they have to choose between present and party, usually they choose present
Me: Yeah, he’s learning to spend money wisely
Me: Last week, he lost his croc sandal in school. I was so sad. I wanted to buy him a new one, but am not sure whether it’s doing him any good
Her: Buy him, then give it to him with some advice
Me: But he’s actually not asking.....
Her: Oh well, don’t then
Me: Sometimes he didn’t ask, but I really wanted to buy him. So I’m wondering if I’m teaching him consumerism
Her: Hayya. So who needs to learn spending money wisely here?
Me: Hehehe, exactly!

Well, okay honey, since I'm planning to buy you a pricey birthday gift, I will not buy you a new pair of croc sandals. And I wasn’t really planning for anything special either for your birthday tomorrow. But then, I thought, it would be nice if I wake you up tomorrow morning with a cake and candle. So, me being me, I just called up Holland Bakery to order a special birthday cake for you.

I’m so looking forward to your birthday tomorrow..., your 8th birthday...

A Parent's Wish

A very dear friend sent me this link some weeks ago. I just opened it this morning, and yes, it is a tear jerker but so beautiful. It’s some kind of poetry, from parents to their children, their wishes when their children grow up and the parents grow old. Here are some of the touchy words:

On the day when you see us old, weak and weary
Have patience and try to understand us

If, when we speak to you, we repeat the same things over and over again
Do not interrupt us…, listen to us
When you were small we have to read to you
The same story a thousand and one times until you went to sleep

When at some moments we lose the memories or thread of our conversations
Let us have the necessary time to remember
And if we cannot, do not become nervous
As the most important thing is not our conversation
But surely to be with you and to have you listening to us

Some day you will realize that despite our mistakes
We always want the best for you
And we tried to prepare the way for you

You must not feel sad, angry nor ashamed for having us near you
Instead, try to understand us, and help us like what we did when you were young

Help us to walk
Help us to live the rest of our life with love and dignity
We will pay you with a smile and the immense love
We have always had for you in our hearts

So honey, when you grow up and I grow old, I hope you will be there for me, just like I’m always here for you. Take a good care of me, just like I do to you now, with warm love and understanding.

Free PS3? No way......

Last week when we went to the supermarket, you asked for Fruitilllo Magic, not because you want to enjoy the colorful instant drink, but simply because there was this wordings written on the box: BERHADIAH PLAYSTATION 3.

And this morning you asked me to carefully read the terms. I scanned it through and read it outloud "....kirimkan 10 kartu silver (seri berbeda) & dapatkan hadiah langsung Playstation 3"

Your eyes beamed with excitement, "hey, that's easy, mama. I nearly have it all..!"

I felt a bit of skepticism. I thought, there’s no way that it can be that simple! Then I carefully continue reading the rest of the wordings on the box

"Periode program 1 Mei-31 Agustus 2006"

"But now it's already 2008, mama..." you asked with your big puzzled eyes

"Yes, honey. So I guess the program is over" I answered as calm as I can.

"But why did they do that? Why are they still selling it when they know that it's now 2008?" you asked sadly, trying hard to hide your disappointment.

Hmmm, good question, honey, and I don't have the answer. Perhaps they were just too busy thinking about sales target that they forgot to think about how an innocent, naïve young children like you would feel when they found out that the promotion program was over….

Unconditional Love

Talking about tough women, it so happen that I met one of them, just last night. She is a mother of a handsome kid, who was born with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

I was introduced to her by Eva, who asked me a week ago if I would be interested to help out in giving a communications training to spokespeople for autism. I said yes without any hesitation. And so, I met her last night, learning more about autism and her struggle to give the best for her 17-year-old son.

Gayatri Pamoedji is the founder of MPATI (Masyarakat Peduli Autis Indonesia). She has also published a book, Meniti Pelangi, where she shared her experience in raising her kid. When I read the first few chapters, I could feel her frustration and confusion, not knowing what was really happening to her son. But as I read further, I could also feel her determination, willpower, hope and belief that there must be a way to help her beloved son lead a better life.

I salute her for her persistence in fighting for the future of her son. A perfect example of an unconditional love, from a mother, to her son.

Mother's Day?

Today is Indonesia’s Mother’s Day. An ex-colleague sent me this SMS:

Warning! This message is created only for the toughest worker of all time… but luckily you are one of them! Happy mother’s day to all multi risk, multi task and multi dimensional women I’ve ever known. May God, family and happiness always upon you :)

In the meantime, Kompas wrote that 22nd of December was actually selected to commemorate the struggle of Indonesian women in contributing to the Indonesian independence. They played their part through The Women Congress held on December 22-25, 1928 in Yogyakarta. However, during the new order era, the government has switched its meaning. They positioned Indonesian women as a domestic mother that doesn’t have their own traits, except as a supporter of their husband.

Personally, I have no interest in debating whether December 22nd should be celebrated as Indonesian women’s move in the political arena, or just an appreciation of their effort in putting together a healthy and happy family. I don’t really care whether it should be a mother’s day or women’s day.

To me, every woman is a very special person, because they have the sense, intuition, wisdom and strength to shape up a helpless, innocent human being to be a person that can excel in so many ways. They have so much love and care to give away. All they need to do is stretching their wings and reach out to the deepest part of a child’s – or person’s - heart and soul. A woman is, and should be, a strong, tough, independent person who stands on her own feet, while helping and supporting her loved ones.

I feel so lucky to be born a woman. Because a woman, is always a mother, even when they don’t have children of their own.

Stages Of Life

Last year, when I was planning to buy my first shortsighted eye glasses, a question popped up in my mind: does this mean I am entering another stage of my life? You know, just like when you first enter school, have your first period, get your first job, get married and so on and so on. Does the fact that somebody begins to need shortsighted glasses mean anything?

That question reminded me of a conversation I overheard some 25 years ago, when I was in junior high, on my way to Bandung with some friends.

We were traveling by the most popular car rental back then, the 4848. It was a big old Cadillac that can accommodate 5 passengers and a driver. My two friends and I sat at the back seat, while another two middle-aged men sat in the front seat. I think we were somewhere in Puncak, my two friends started falling asleep to the sound of raindrops, when I overheard the two gentlemen talking about stages in life.

One man said that there are stages in life that changes every 8 years. This is how he described each stage as I remember it:

0 – 8 years old:

One has just begun to breath; they need a lot of help while trying to figure out about everything that is happening around them. Questions, questions, questions

8 – 16:
This is the period when one becomes more aware of her/himself. They have questions about themselves and a lot of times feel awkward and uncomfortable with their physical changes. Often, they find themselves in trouble, in school as well as at home

16 – 24:

One will fall in love with her/himself. It’s ‘narcist time’. They just love to see themselves in the mirror. Girls just want to be pretty. Boys try to be attractive for girls.

24 – 32:

A period when one has no fear in life. They will try everything, go anywhere, hike the highest mountain. It’s time to proof who they are. By this time, they will get their first job and start a family.

32 – 40:

Life is work. Work harder, earn more.

40 – 48:

Life begins. They would already have a steady career. Those who have a strong family bond will switch their focus to their spouse and children. However, some may have difficulties in marriage and start a new relationship.

48 – 56:

Time to enjoy life with what’s earned from their hard work. It’s time to travel around the world or buy a new big house.

56 – 64:

Life slows down. Time to reflect on oneself and become wiser and more religious.

64 – onwards:

Back to the first stage. They become dependent again while trying to figure out how life and the world have changed right in front of their eyes.

I believe what the man said makes a lot of sense. And knowing about these stages of life will help you understand where your life is going and therefore prepare yourself to face it.

Now, in what stage are you now, honey? Questions, questions, questions? No wonder....

.

.

Picture from here

Acquired: Skill Number 2

Learning from my own life, there are several essential skills and abilities that can help you enjoy your life to its fullest. The first three are:
1. swimming
2. riding a bicycle
3. driving a car

Playing with water is always fun, no matter how old you are. And I’m so glad that you have learned the basic, enough, that I don’t have to worry whenever you’re having fun in the pool.

And just about two weeks ago, you proudly told me that you have learned riding the bicycle without the training wheels. You looked so happy and so proud, and that really made me feel like a good mom – even though I wasn’t the one who taught you. I feel like I have succeeded in equipping you with basic, yet important skills that enable you enjoy your childhood. Congratulations honey…..

And for the driving skill, well, I’m not worried. Although you always said that you wouldn’t know how, you still have another 10 years to learn. So, it’s ok hon, plenty of time. For now, being able to swim and ride a two-wheel bicycle are enough to get you all the fun you want.


Picture from http://www.wpclipart.com/transportation/bicycle/bicycle_01.png

Time Machine

This conversation took place in a taxi when we went home from PIM this evening:

You: Jimmy Neutron has a time machine. I want one too…
Me: Why?
You: Well, if I have one, I will let you use it…
Me: What for?
You: You can push the button to make everything goes fast. So you can work faster at the office and finish early
Me: And then?
You: And then you can pick me up from school, every day…..

Hmmm, if that’s the case, yes, I would want one too, honey. But, as I said before, in life, we cannot have everything that we want. We get some, we lose some. But no matter what, let’s just be thankful for the life we have, coz I know for sure, we are among the luckiest people in the world.

Just look around you, people in East Java are losing their homes because of the Lapindo disaster, children in Papua have to walk for hours before reaching their school, and all those construction workers that you see working for the Pondok Indah underpass, they have to leave their family in their hometown to be able to earn money. Not to mention all those babies in the orphanage who don’t have their mom and dad holding them at nights….

So, honey, aren’t we among the luckiest people? Even when we don't have that time machine.

Letting You Decide

I think it is so natural for children like you to stall when they are asked to quit playing and do other things. But I have a very good trick that never fails me: I let you decide when do you want to quit!

Just like today, we spent the day at Circuz Circuz Playground at PIM. I was beginning to get worried when one hour after your usual lunch time, you still refused to quit. So this is what I did. I asked you to determine the time you want to quit. After a tough negotiation, we agreed that you would quit playing 20 minutes later, at.1.30. And it never fails. At 1.29, I showed you the time, and you voluntarily went out from the playground without a fuss.

I use this same trick when you are reluctant to get a bath, refuse to turn off the tv or don’t want to eat up your meal. I think it makes you feel appreciated that you are being involved in the decision making and therefore also learn to honor your own decisions.

The only problem is when you try it on me: “So, mama, what time are you going to get home? At which number the little hand is pointing at…..?” Hahaha, smart kid…..

Don't know what you've got till it's gone...

I found a beautiful posting, while I went blog-walking on this beautiful Sunday morning. It belongs to an RCTI’s reporter who recently launches a semi-biography of Tukul Arwana.

This is what she wrote, in August 2005, one and a half years after her mom is gone:

"Dont know what i've got till it's gone..."

Satu setengah tahun yang lalu Mama ku pergi menghadap Tuhan. Sangat banyak hal2 yang belum sempat aku sampaikan kepadanya....

"Ma...akhirnya ira diterima kerja...ini berkat doa Mama"
"Ma...ini gaji pertama ira ...semuanya hadiah buat Mama aja"
"Ma...ira bentar lagi dapat bonus ..nanti gajian kita jalan-jalan ya"

Juga, pada saatnya nanti, tak bisa lagi aku sampaikan kepadanya...

"Ma...kenalin, ini calon suamiku..."
"Ma...mohon do'a restunya, ira mau menikah..."
"Ma...ini cucu Mama, ajarin ira jadi ibu yang baik seperti Mama ya..."

Arti seorang ibu seperti udara bagi kehidupan manusia. Begitu besar arti kehadirannya... namun seringkali kita tidak menyadari....Sampai saat kita harus kehilangannya

I can perfectly understand how she felt, and I feel so lucky that I still have my mom and dad by my side throughout the important stages of my life. But then, as Ira said, “Begitu besar arti kehadirannya... namun seringkali kita tidak menyadari....”

I guess this is what most children feel about and do to their parents. They love them, they know they should spend more time with them, yet there are a zillion kind of other things to do before they have time to express their love and care, to visit them, to spend time listening to their blabbering stories, or even just to give them a mere “how are you today” phone call.

Hmmm, gotta make that call now…. (after uploading this post…..)

xxx

(Picture of your eyang kakung and eyang putri - reproduced for their 80th birthday in 2004. Isn't she beautiful?)

Being On Your Own

As usual, when I wake up at night and can't go back to sleep, I browse the net from my O2. Last night, my blog-walking brought me to Di Sini, that belongs to my colleague, a young talented writer to be. She wrote a nice posting about my posting.

Just to remind you, she is the one who gave you that dinosaur and alligator eggs that hatched and grew bigger when you put them into water. You were so amused and kept on asking how it could happen. And until now, you still have them in the bathroom, refuse to put it away though they have become so wrinkled.

And just like you, she is also the only child in the family. I once asked her how it felt to be one, does she ever want to have siblings. To my relief, she said she has always enjoyed being the only child, never really feel alone and lonely - something I'm always afraid you would feel. In fact, I think she has become such a creative person because she has a lot of time on her own.

So honey, I hope being the only child will only make you a stronger person. Not always having me around would make you a decisive and creative person, somebody who knows what he wants and is not afraid of taking risks.

But of course, the world is not a place where you can find all answers. So when things are getting too much for you, when you are not sure which door to open, you know you can come to me. I may not be able to give you answers nor direction, but at least I will always be there, and here, for you. That's what a mother is all about.

xxx

Picture taken from here

Kartini Day

Today is Kartini Day. What does it mean? To me, it is a reminder that there is no difference – in terms of opportunities – for men and women. Women can – and should - decide for themselves, fight for themselves, and be an independent individual. And for men, I guess it is also a reminder that they should respect women in any way.

And this is what I would like you to be when you grow up, a man who respects women.

But how do you show respect? I believe women want to be listened to, to be trusted, to be understood. Though at times they like to feel that they are being lead, guided and protected, they want to - and should – be an equal partner to men. And when a man can value what a woman want, that’s when he shows respect, and consequently, also earn it.

Trust me, women respect men who respect women.

(pic from here)

The Dinosaur Story

Saturday morning, we were watching a Hallmark film with dinosaurs.

You: I want to be a dinosaur, a young dinosaur
Me: Why a young dinosaur?
You: So that nobody would kill me. And you can be a fairy
Me: Why?
You: So that you could save me if somebody wants to kill me….

and then.....

You: But, I want to be a fairy too….
Me: Why?
You: So that I can do magic……
Me: Such as……?
You: Well, with magic, I can have any toy that I want. So that you don’t have to spend anymore money for my toys

(Hmmmm…..)

Anyway, the Hallmark story was about a mother who thought that a dinosaur had eaten up her two children. She was really desperate and wanted revenge by stealing the dinosaur’s eggs. She was so busy finding ways to destroy the eggs that she actually didn’t look for her children at the right place. And just when she was about to destroy the eggs, her children showed up.

Morale of the story: when you are sad, desperate, confused, angry, disappointed, try not to fill up your heart with hatred. It would be hard, but if you do, you might take the wrong decision, and therefore make others feel sad, desperate, confused, angry, disappointed. We certainly don’t wanna make others feel what we don’t wanna feel, do we?

(Pic from here)

The Ben 10 Watch

I’m sorry, honey, the Ben 10 watch that I promised to get you if you have good grades is sold out every where. Even Tante Shilla couldn’t get it in Singapore. Apparently it is such an “in” thing.

You have been asking for this thing since about 2 weeks ago. Some of your friends, including your best friend Rafi, already got it. And it was sooo cool you said. Just like in the TV series, with that watch you can make-believe that you transform into a super hero just by pushing the button, either to be xlr8, canon bolt, upgrade, fourarms, ghost freak, diamond head, heat blast, grey matter, stinkfly, rip jaws, wild mutt, wild fin (what strange names they have…!!!)

So I told you, I would buy it for you as a reward if you manage to have good grades in your mid semester test. And you made it! You called me on my cell when the results was announced. “Mama, I have 9.8 for math, 9.5 for English, 9.2 for Bahasa, but only 8 for science….,” you said excitedly. Well, what do you know, it is a much better result than the last mid-test. Unfortunately, the watch is sold out everywhere. I know you are so disappointed.

But honey, in life, there will be disappointments. Things will not always turn out as what we want to. And when this happen, there is nothing we can do but make the best of what we have, be grateful of what we have. Don’t loose hope though, who knows, the best is yet to come.

Just like in your case. I really want to keep my promise for getting you that Ben 10 watch. But since it is nowhere to be bought, I was thinking to buy you the Ben 10 character instead. It will cost me twice the watch……, so…., I don’t know….., I haven’t decided yet…..

Bending the Rules

Last week, I came to your school to see you practicing soccer. It was really fun watching you running here and there, having a good time with all your friends. And you glanced at me every now and then, as if to ensure that I was watching all your silly actions.

When I knew that your time to practice was over, I asked you to go home. You were stalling for some time and when you finally agreed, you told me that you need to tell your coach that you are going off. Fine, I thought, that was a very polite thing to do. I’m proud that you are actually doing what you are taught in good manner. However, your coach was busy being the referee for another game. And despite your attempts to get his attention, he didn’t notice that you were asking permission to leave.

And so I told you that it’s ok to go home without telling the coach. You insisted, “I have to tell the coach that I’m going home. Otherwise, how would he know? What if he were looking for me? I have to tell him first, mama. That’s the rule”.

Now, how do you draw the line on exceptions for rules that you have been taught? It must be difficult for you to understand that sometimes it is okay to bend the rule a bit for a good reason. For you, it’s either good or bad, right or wrong, white or black There is no such thing as “Yeah, that’s the rule…., but…..”, as what we, adults, often say.

Unfortunately, as you get older, you will be facing this kind of situation more often. There will be times when you know what you are supposed to do, but it would be better not to do it. Or you know that it is not a nice thing to do, but you got to do it anyway. All for a greater good. But then again, how do you draw the line?

I guess only a wise person can draw the line properly and only time can teach you to become a wise person. Until then, you might just have to follow your heart and learn from your mistakes.

(picture shows you were waiting to get a chance to talk to your coach)