About Death

Chrisye, the Indonesian music legend, passed away at 4 am today. He died because of lung cancer. Probably because he smoked too much

Our first conversation about death took place when you were about 4 years old, not long after we watched Lion King, where Mufasa died. So I told you that every man on earth will die some day. And you looked worried.

You: So you are going to die too?
Me: Yes, honey
You: But I don’t want you to die!!
Me: Well I hope I’m not going to die soon….. I will die when I am old
You: Old, like eyang?
Me: Yes, honey
You: So how come eyang has not died yet?

(I paused, half smiling, half confused, not sure how to answer that naive question tactically)

Me: Well, eyang is still in a good health condition at the moment, so nobody’s going to die soon
You: Ok, but, mama, you cannot die!!! I don’t want to sleep on my own!
Me: So, when are you going to be ready to sleep on your own?
You: Not in a thousand years……

So, honey, someday, I will be gone too. And when that time comes, I want you to remember me as a fun person, not just somebody that you can always confide on anything, but also a buddy that you can talk about silly things. A wise mother who gives you a freedom to be what you want to be. I believe you will be a fine young man, not because I’m there by your side, but just because you are. I just hope I will be given a chance to see what a fine man you turn out to be.

The Crocs Sandals

Your old sandal was broken and it gave me a reason to buy you a new one (of course!). Well, actually I have been meaning to buy you this Crocs sandals for some time. It is supposed to be so trendy and fashionable these days that even the Hollywood celebrities are wearing it (so they say….). However, I wasn’t actually sure that you would like it, because shape wise, I think it was quite unusual.

But to my delight, you want it as soon as you try it on. So I guess, it is not just fashionable but also comfortable, knowing how fussy you are when it comes to shoes and sandals. It also looks sturdy and easy to clean – two things I should consider when buying things for you. So there goes Rp350 thousand from my purse (quite pricey for a kid’s sandal, huh?), and Rp30 thousand for the accessories to go with it. But I know it is worth it, coz you even insisted on wearing it right after we paid, for the rest of our stroll at our favorite mall, the Pondok Indah Mall.

What really makes me smile is that, your sandal size has actually reached the number of my size (37/38). Wow, you have really grown, my dear! And with this Crocs design that is meant for both boys and girls, I get a chance to wear it too! Hahaha, and I thought I would never have a chance to exchange wearing things with my kid, since you are a boy. Hm, exchanging things to wear makes me feel that we are buddies.

Thanks, Crocs.

A Visit To The National Museum

This might be a bit late, but I think I need to put it here as a record. After all, not every kid has the opportunity to have their picture featured in Kompas, the number one daily in the country.

Yes, the picture here is your picture, with your cousin Annisa, when we were visiting Museum Nasional (also known as Musium Gajah, because of the big elephant statue in front of the building), during your school holiday last January 2007. I think it was the last day of your school holiday, and I haven’t really taken you anywhere. So, I took a day off but wasn’t sure where to take you…., and suddenly, the idea popped up, why not go to the National Museum and also the National Monument? And to my surprise, you were really enjoying your tour!

The tour guide at the Museum was very friendly and really tried to make the tour interesting for kids like you. However, the questions you kept on asking were “Why is this thing broken? Why is this thing not mended properly? Why is there no lamp in this room?”. I couldn’t help but smile. You were not really interested in the things they displayed there, but more to the orderly of the museum. And it was the National Museum that we are supposed to be proud of.

Come to think of it, we shouldn’t be too surprised. You know how much they charge for the entrance fee? Rp750,- for adults and Rp250,- for children under 17!!! Cheaper than the parking fee! I think they put it low so that people will not be hesitant to come and visit. But you know how our people are, the more you pay, the more you appreciate and the less you pay, the less you appreciate. So, I don’t think it works. If we were to pay higher (I’m sure tourists wouldn’t mind paying a bit more), they can use the money to mend the museum more properly, have more tour guides, adding more collection and perhaps have a good promotion program that will make the museums a more popular place to visit.

What do you say?

I Will Make It For You

This conversation took place when we watch Jimmy Neutron , on a lazy Sunday afternoon

You: Mama, I wanna have a lab like Jimmy Neutron
Me: What kind of lab?
You: Well, I wanna have a little house where there is an underground floor, and there is where my lab would be
Me: What do you wanna do in your lab?
You: I wanna make inventions
Me: What kind of inventions?
You: I dunno, I haven't done it yet. But you can tell me whatever you want, and I'll make it for you

Awww..., isn't that sweet....

Silly Dreamer

We were watching Strawberry Shortcake, The Sweetdreams Movie at Disney Channel yesterday. The story was about good vs bad dreams. And Strawberry sang a beautiful song, something like this:

Silly dreamer
You can always dream with open eyes
It's never silly to believe you can make all your dreams come true
Have a sweet dream through the night
And with the morning light
You can make your dreams come true
Your heart is where your dreams come from
Whenever you need to dream, just look into your heart

After awhile, thinking that you must have a lot of big dreams, I asked you:
Me: So, honey, what are your dreams?
You: I just want to have a Ben Ten watch, the original one, and also the Ben Ten gun, and the swords. I want all the cool stuff

Hmmm, too much watching Ben 10 movies…..

Old Train Ride

Last week-end, I went to Losari Coffee Plantation Resort & Spa, for my office annual outing. It was a beautiful place, so beautiful that I’m lost of words. I was away for two nights and was actually worried that you would cry again like the last time I went to Surabaya and Semarang.

But when I gave you a call on the first day I was away, it sounded like you were just as cheerful as ever. “Yeah, yeah…., I know that you are going to be away for two nights….,” that’s all you said. Hmm, to be honest, I was actually disappointed that you didn’t seem to miss me at all. Oh, well, I guess you have become a big guy now.

The most exciting thing while I was there was when we went on an old train ride. And I kept on thinking about you, ‘cause I knew you would be gone crazy on that train. The train was so chic, the scenery was breath taking, and the sun was shining while the wind was breezy. I promise you that someday, we will spend a holiday at Losari and ride that ol’ train together. It would be just like what the sign on the train says: “It takes only one hour. But the memory of your railway mountain tour will last forever”.

It’s going to be a joy ride, just like what our life would always be…..

Rainbow

Today, for the first time, you saw a rainbow. A beautiful long rainbow, in a mixed color sky: blue, grey, white, yellow, orange. It was really a cool sight and you were really excited.

You: I wanna go and climb the rainbow
Me: Why do you wanna go there?
You: Because there is a treasure at the end of the rainbow
Me: What kind of treasure are you expecting to find?
You: Well, I'm looking for gold and coins and ring and necklace and also some toys....
Me: And what do you wanna do with the treasure after you find them?
You: I wanna fly in a small aero plane, and from the above, I'm going to give away the treasure to the poor people....

Wow, what a noble intention you have. I hope it won't fade away even after you find out that life is not always as beautiful as the rainbow we saw today.

Do remember that the sky is even more beautiful after a storm, though the rainbow is not always there at sight. And so, when life is unkind, try to remember the good times. True treasure is always there in your heart, the beautiful memories that no one can ever take away from you.

Just like the beautiful memory of the first rainbow you saw today.

(written on march 19, 2007, 10.29 pm)

To Give And Not To Expect

I have written about my confusion on whether we should celebrate your birthday at school or not. Well, finally, we did that. The difference with the past years was, we did not distribute invitation to your friends. This means we didn’t have to provide goody bags, and that most possibly you would not get any presents from your friends. You were a bit worried about not getting any presents, but I assured you that you would get what you wanted from me and your dad.

The first plan was we would order McDonald’s Happy Meal and give away the toy character that goes with it. But me being me, when I saw a cute tumbler at McD, I decided that we should give away a set of tumbler and toy character to your friends. This means that we need to package it in a nice plastic party ware. And ofcourse I wouldn’t have time to look for it by myself. So I asked our driver to look for it. He bought it, but the size was too big for just a tumbler and a character. So again, me being me, I decided to add it with a sack of chips and a small carton of milk. So there you go, a nice goody bag for all your school friends!

Anyway, the lesson I want you to learn out of this is, it always feel nice to give (in this case to give away goody bags – and we also had fun while preparing it, didn’t we?). But never expect anything in return (don’t expect any presents from your friends). When you do something nice to others, never expect anything in return. Expectations can lead to disappointments, and disappointments can really hurt you.

So you see, didn’t it feel good to see all your friends having fun with the toy character that we gave them? It feels good to make others feel good, ain’t it? And that is a precious feeling that I want you to always have.

Happy 7th birthday, sweetheart…

(written on March 11, 2007 at 03.20 am)

Tough Decision for Your 7th Birthday

This is the toughest decision I have to make for you so far: whether we are going to celebrate your 7th birthday at school or not. Since your 4th birthday, we always did that. I really enjoyed doing it and it gave me a feeling of being a good mom.

There are several considerations why I think we don’t need to celebrate your birthday at school this year

There is only one consideration why I think we should: I don’t want you to feel disappointed.

Tough, ain’t it?

(written on February 28, 2007)

What Do You Wanna Be?

I always enjoyed a morning talk with you. You know, those lazy talk about whatever, just after you wake up. And this morning, we talked about what you wanna be when you grow up.

I asked you to tell me 5 professions that you wanna be, and here's your answer: you wanna be a zoo keeper, a pilot, a captain of a ship, a captain of a submarine and treasure hunter. Hmm, and I thought you wanna be a handyman (that was your answer when eyang asked you 2 weeks ago)

And then I explained to you about my office. You seemed to understand the concept of managing a company, but you said you would not know what to do in an office. That's okay, hon, you still have a long way to go, before deciding what you really want to do. And I assure you, you have my full support of whatever you wanna be, as long as it makes you happy....

Be whatever you want to be, and be a star.

(written on 29 January 2007)

A Spaceship On A Sunday

Today, for the second time, we spent the whole Sunday just the two of us in our bedroom. And we enjoyed it all the same.

Your project for today is a space ship, made by carton boxes i got from Hero Supermarket yesterday. It was really cool!! Someday, just someday, you might be able to build a real one

(written on December 3, 2006)

Distraction

I have promised myself that I would start writing for you again on your 7th birthday. So here I am, a couple of days after your birthday, writing this while having my hair done at Roger's.

I feel that I owe you an apology. I started to write in this blog because I wanted to capture every fun and precious moments we have together. So that it will always be there for us to look back. But then, it's been 6 months since my last post.

There is no real reason, except for a distraction I could not possibly avoid...., something that is beyond my power to control…., something very wrong that I keep on doing with a conscious mind. I hope you understand, because after all, I’m just an ordinary human being.

I promise you though, that I will start writing again. Nothing should come between us, coz you, my dear, are the most precious thing in my life.

(written on March 8. 2007, 08.45 am)