About Death

Chrisye, the Indonesian music legend, passed away at 4 am today. He died because of lung cancer. Probably because he smoked too much

Our first conversation about death took place when you were about 4 years old, not long after we watched Lion King, where Mufasa died. So I told you that every man on earth will die some day. And you looked worried.

You: So you are going to die too?
Me: Yes, honey
You: But I don’t want you to die!!
Me: Well I hope I’m not going to die soon….. I will die when I am old
You: Old, like eyang?
Me: Yes, honey
You: So how come eyang has not died yet?

(I paused, half smiling, half confused, not sure how to answer that naive question tactically)

Me: Well, eyang is still in a good health condition at the moment, so nobody’s going to die soon
You: Ok, but, mama, you cannot die!!! I don’t want to sleep on my own!
Me: So, when are you going to be ready to sleep on your own?
You: Not in a thousand years……

So, honey, someday, I will be gone too. And when that time comes, I want you to remember me as a fun person, not just somebody that you can always confide on anything, but also a buddy that you can talk about silly things. A wise mother who gives you a freedom to be what you want to be. I believe you will be a fine young man, not because I’m there by your side, but just because you are. I just hope I will be given a chance to see what a fine man you turn out to be.